i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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