shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
