Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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