so explain again why im purple
no
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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