one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
