meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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