Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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