I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
