i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
