Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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