I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
