Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
