At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i think i just lost a toe
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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