yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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