May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
