No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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