Soap is not a condiment
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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