dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
