Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
