What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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