Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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