did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
