i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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