I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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