i think my tv is drunk
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
