Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Let's paint friendship bongs
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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