Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
