btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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