I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
