Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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