I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
