So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she told me i tasted like america
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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