as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
