if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
