You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
