It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
