I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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