shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Please don't give away my fajitas
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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