She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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