I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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