I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
