just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
