Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
