the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
