Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
