i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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