Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
