I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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