You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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