Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm just crazy horny about you
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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