Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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