Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
